TURNING LOSS INTO HOPE
As a little girl I would play with my baby dolls and always imagined what it would be like to be a mother. Playing with my babies I would envision an older version of myself swaddling my own children, dressing them in cute clothes and toting them around with me. As I got a little older I envisioned myself pregnant with that "glow" everyone speaks of and of course a cute baby bump. When I became pregnant with my first child in 2012 I was so happy to be pregnant and starting a family with my husband.
After I finished Graduate school in 2016 we decided to start trying again for a 2nd baby. In the Fall of 2017 I became pregnant and the excitement set in again. The thoughts of my daughter becoming a big sister, our family growing and having a baby around again was so fun to think of. Then at 4 weeks pregnant the unimaginable happened and within one afternoon I was told to go home and "prepare for a miscarriage." Those words still haunt me today. This is not something anyone is ever prepared for nor should anyone have to go through. The physical pain, emotional distress, and spiritual aching that occurred during this process was so immense. And again 4 months later at 6 weeks pregnant I endured this devastation with my 2nd miscarriage.
During these times my husband and I reached out to God more than ever. We searched for healing, grace and hope through Him. By the Glory of our great God I became pregnant again in July 2019 and He blessed us with my second beautiful daughter, my rainbow baby. In the years since we had her I can definitely see that she was truly sent by God as she is the happiness, joy and sunshine that we prayed for.
I would like to say that this was the happy ending of my story but in October 2020 I miscarried again at 10 weeks. This loss hit me so much harder than the previous 2 mainly because we were able to hit so many other milestones with this pregnancy.
Although this miscarriage was the most painful in my heart and my body, we were able to dig deep and pray for God to fulfill the desire that He placed in our heart... The desire to have one more child.
Through all this God has always remained steadfast and faithful to us. He always supports and always provides. HE is such a breath of fresh new air. In this New Year I am excited to see where God is going to breathe life into me and my family. My losses do prove to be heartbreaking for sure but God is heart-restoring. If anyone reading this has ever been through this heartache, I am sorry. It's so hard and it hurts like some may never know. However, I urge you to get back to the feet of Jesus and pray. Pray for healing, restoration and hope for your family to grow according to His will and purpose. May God bless you all in this New Year!
-Devon
